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Sense of No Direction

by Sam Little

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1.
Dreams 03:15
Lately, I've been having dreams-- Dreams of things that I can't remember. Little bits and pieces of things, Floatin' through my mind like burning embers. Oh, and they shine so bright, Beautiful and red and dying! So is it wrong sometimes When I dream of death, I feel like flying? Lately I've been seeing things, And it's hard to tell my sleep from waking. Are they visions of what I could be, Or just illusions of my own making? But when my dreams take flight, Soaring through a world ethereal, Everything just seems more right Irresolute and immaterial. And I wanna drift away. And I wanna end this day. And I wanna hear you say, "It's alright; you don't have to stay." Lately you've been missing me-- I'm lost in thoughts that I can't control. I wanna reach you, but I just can't see My way out of my favorite hole. Anyway, it feels so nice Down here where the world can't touch me. Yeah, it's just a little sacrifice: If I'm alone, only I can judge me. And I wanna drift away. And I wanna end this day. And I wanna hear you say, "It's alright; you don't have to stay." Lately I've been having dreams-- Dreams of things that I can't remember. Little bits and pieces of things Floating through my mind like burning embers. Look at how they shine so bright, Beautiful and red and flying! So, tell me, is it wrong sometimes When I come back down, I feel like dying?
2.
Gray 03:28
And they came in the dead of the night, saying, "Come with us and go. Leave your things. Take no heed for your plight--there's naught you need to know. Lock away your fear and fright; tell no one you love them so. There'll be no time in the morning light--hear the bo'sun's whistle blow!" Come away To the gray. Come away. So we ride on wings of fate and tide--may they ever guide us true. Our neverending quest for the rest that will bring us life anew. Through the storming gale, each night adding numbers to our crew. Then in a blinding flash of light, see our sails come into view! Come away To the gray. Come away! Come away! And we come in the dead of the night, saying, "Come with us and go!" Come away To the gray. Come away! Come away!
3.
Well, I wish it was springtime--the winter is so cold. I still remember all the crazy things you said. Wish I had aces--suppose I should just fold. Throw in the towel, honey. Get out of my head. What's that that I hear? Heard a preacher on the street say the End is Near, With the freeze dried high tide sitting on the sideline-- Should we call the guy to get our next line? Turn up! Shoot up! Wake up! Chuck up! Eighteen shots ain't enough to get me fucked up. Waiting on me, waiting on you, waiting on them (see they prefer that to "him") And now you're singing at the top of your lungs, but you're tone deaf, And I'm thinking that you're speaking in tongues with your bad breath. Are there even any among us who aren't bored to death? And I wish it was summer now--the spring is just too mild. Everyone's dancing while I'm wishing I was dead. I feel like a joker when the deuces are called wild. Knock on the table, baby. Get out of my head. Well, they tell you to focus and they tell you to concentrate, Tell you to go to war and tell you, "don't feed the hate." Night full of fright with the moon so white, Take a tip from me: everything'll be alright. So butter me up, chew me up, spit me out; Jump down, turn around, and twist and shout. And I can't think of any place I'd rather be 'Cept anywhere that gets you the hell away from me, So I'm driving just as fast as I can to get away now. And I hear the voices in my head--what can they say now? Oh my god! There's got to be a way, but how? And I wish it was fall now--the summer is too hot. Waiting on spades, but the river's running red. It's too late to bluff now, so darling, could you not? Run along home now. Get out of my head. Now I'm sitting here behind the glass, Watching all the faces of the people that pass. The plaque on the wall reads "Nigh extinct," And I'm so afraid of what the people think. So pour me a shot, and another again; If you run out of whiskey, you can give me gin. I've been talking to this woman that I met last night-- She seems very nice, just not quite right. She says, "In the eventuality of my death, Would you tell my three sons, Cain and Abel and Seth? See, I'm the mother--the mother of them all-- But their daddy, he left with a snake and never called." So it's time to stop and ask yourself what you believe in. I've been rinsing and repeating 'til words, they lose their meaning. But I know there ain't a thing that you can say to stop me from leaving. And I wish it was winter now--the autumn is kinda dry. The leaves are rustling, and I can't get out of bed. I'll go down swinging with a pair and a jack high; I'm all in now, so get the hell out of my head.
4.
Well, let me set the scene: I'm sitting in a basement bar, shootin' the breeze with who cares, And at the window I can see a pair of black leather shoes making their way down the stairs. Then the man that they're attached to grabs the stool next to mine, yanks off his tie, and swears. He says, "I'll tell you somethin', son, life ain't all games and fun--and there ain't no such thing as fair." Says he, "I'll have you see, I went to school and got my degree--got me a good job, too. But then they test for grass and fire my ass 'cause I can't pass--they don't give a damn what I do." I said, "I'm sorry, mister man, you've been dealt such a hand; I'll help if I can, it's true." Then, as he downed his seventh rye, he looked me right in the eye--said, "I'll tell you what we're gonna do!" He said, "Boys, tonight Let's start a fight, While the blood is pumping fire through our veins! Cut loose and yell, 'Y'all go to hell!' We're right behind, so let the Devil take the reins!" You know, I thought it was a joke, all that big talk that he spoke. I just shook my head and grinned. But then he hopped off his stool, and I swear that fool swaggered right up to some mean looking men. He started talkin' shit, it hit the fan, and that was it! I ducked as someone threw their gin. I threw some money on the bar, and I got out pretty quick--and I didn't look back again! There was a full moon in the sky, but it was not very high; the night was young, so I went on my way. I stepped into another bar where they advertised, "The Best Soup in Town, Served All Day!" I got my soup, I got my brew; I said, "Here's looking at you" as the waitress walked away-- Then from behind me came a crash! I heard a bottle smash, and I heard somebody say, "Hey boys, tonight Let's start a fight, While the blood is pumping fire through our veins! Cut loose and yell, 'Y'all go to hell!' We're right behind, so let the Devil take the reins!" Well now, I ducked out of that place as someone swung at my face--see, I was just looking to relax, So I decided just to wander to my usual spot at a place we called The Craic. I waved at Mike and Justin sitting in the corner with Matt, and I shook hands with Max, But as I greeted John and Jay, I could tell right away there was something quite off track. I asked if Max knew what was up. He said, "I flipped my truck, and the insurance says they're not sure. Matt might get laid off, and Justin just quit his job, singing, 'We're Not Gonna Take It No More.' Johnny's got that cough that he just can't shake off; Mike's just been up since four-- I said, "I'll stop you there. I feel the tension in the air... I've seen this scene before." I looked around at all their faces, looking fit to bust. I said, "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em--we must do what we must." I said, "Boys, tonight Let's start a fight, While the blood is pumping fire through our veins! Cut loose and yell, 'Y'all go to hell!' We're right behind, so let the Devil take the reins!"
5.
When I was sixteen, I met this man on the street. His clothes were dirty, with worn out shoes on his feet, But he had a guitar, and played his music so sweet, Everybody walking by was stepping to his beat. I had a dollar; I dropped it into his case. I thought I'd leave then, but then I looked at his face-- He seemed to stare through me and right on into space, Like he was thinking of a distant time and place. And he said, "Listen here, sonny. You're in the clear! You got a lot to give. So forget fear itself, boy--you've nothing to fear. To fear is not to live. "But now my kitchen's full--I got too many cooks. If killing time is a crime, I guess I'm a crook. So jump the gun. Have your day in the sun. I'll tell you, sometimes, boy, you gotta leap before you look." I said, "Excuse me--you talking riddles to me?" He said, "Well, not quite--just idiomatically. See, life's a journey, enigma though it may be, So take your lessons where you find 'em--'cause ain't none of 'em free. "So get back in the saddle and paddle your boat; Strum your own guitar. Get out, run about, go and sow your wild oats! Wish upon a star! "So let's get this party started, get this show on the road! But keep your eyes well peeled while you lock and load. Now there's a knife and a spoon and a fork in the road. You got a real short fuse--just mind you don't explode!" He said, "My kitchen's full--I got too many cooks. If killing time is a crime, I guess I'm a crook. So jump the gun. Have your day in the sun. I'll tell you, sometimes, boy, you gotta leap before you look."
6.
Gone to Hell 03:13
Walking down the boulevard, Meandering past abandoned cars; The ashes look like snow on the ground. The people cower in their homes-- They're scared of others, scared alone-- No love or trust or joy to be found. An eerie silence from the trees, A vile stench is on the breeze; The sun looks like a great open sore. "Just keep your faith," our leaders say, "Keep the faith--we'll win the day," But no one fucking asked for this war. There's poison in the water mains. The streets are soaked with bloody stains-- Just look at what we're forced to become. There's just one rule--that's "stay alive." With that in mind, you might survive, But think not of the horrible sum. As lightning chains across the sky, I sit and think of you and I: A different world, what might we have been? But nothing's like it was before-- We're charred and rotted to the core. To think of love or life is a sin. So it's goodbye, And I wish you well; Looks like this whole world's gone to hell. But can't you pretend, Just fake a smile? This is the end, but it's been coming for awhile. So batten down the hatches; brace for coming storms. Won't you light a couple matches? They'll keep each other warm. Stuff some bullets in your mattress. Keep your pistol close to hand. Ain't got no time for sadness come the madness The likes of which you can't understand. They're saying it's the End of Days. My mother reads the Book and prays-- I stand and look on in disgust. What peace or hope you think He'll bring?-- Already brought such suffering. Now who the hell you think you can trust? As fires strip the mountains bare, The screams of children fill the air. The world is quickly fading to black. The flames reach up into the sky-- You'll get no help from up on high. From this point on, there's no turning back. So it's goodbye, And I wish you well, 'Cause now the whole world's gone to hell. Look to the sky On this endless night-- We can lie awake and watch the stars all burn out and die. So batten down the hatches; brace for coming storms. Won't you light a couple matches? They'll keep each other warm. Stuff some bullets in your mattress, and keep that rifle oiled, But you'd better quench your passions, save your rations-- You ain't never seen such trials and toil.
7.
The noise was deafening today, And I have got so much to say, But I can't seem to find a way To push these stupid thoughts away. Who are all of these people?-- Packing pews under a steeple, Where they see a sign that tells Them, "If you need service, ring this bell!" And wait awhile, with a smile, While you walk this crooked mile. So who let all of these birds in? All I hear is all their chirpin'. Think I might just go berserk 'n' Grab my shotgun, just like Kurt did-- Or I'll wave it in the air, Take the stand, and preach despair. But really, I don't think I care Enough to tell them to beware. Yeah, I won't tell you to beware. And I won't tell you you should care. I've got a trash can by my bed; It sits a foot beside my head, But I don't mind the smell. Instead, I take comfort in this thread: That, even though it smells like shit, I am always aware of it, And, though it's never done me good, I like to think it maybe could If I keep praying. So I'll keep praying, I'll keep praying to my trash can. And I often wonder why Folks keep praying to the sky-- Or, specifically some guy Who's never even seen them cry. 'Cause one night, I drank a lot, Did some blow, and ate some pot, And while my friend was crying out, I had never any doubt That while his God might never show, I'd have my trash can when I got home.
8.
Brother 05:58
Here's a song for the days of our youth. Here's a song for those moments of truth. Here's a song for the time we spent just trying to find ourselves. Clearly, I remember it all As I thumb through my old journal, Reading out the words I wrote so long ago, singin': Show me what I want to see. Take me where I want to be. Relive all the memories From back when we were free. I remember the years back in school, When we thought that we were so cool, Right about the time it was that we first met. We sat in the back of the class; Doodle wars to help the time pass. How the hell were we the teacher's pets? We got caught skipping service Sunday night-- Christian mothers can be such a fright, But, as always, our silver tongues kept us out of trouble. And we talked about all our dreams; Maybe things aren't all as they seem, Questioning everything that came our way. Show me what I want to see, And take me to where I want to be-- Yeah, take me back to that first time we drank, With your older sister to thank. We puked our guts out on a fifth of vodka. Then, for awhile there, we drank most every day-- Waffle House took the hangovers away-- Living fast, and maybe trying to die young. Still, I kinda miss those reckless days, Racing cops down the highways, Taking joyrides late at night in old Priscilla-- We'd cut the engine as we pulled onto your street, Let neutral take the last hundred feet, Slip in, cat-like, past your parents' door. Sneaking off outside to have a smoke, Swapping all our stories and jokes, Staring at the stars, and sharing visions of the future: Yeah, we were gonna travel the world, Break the heart of every beautiful girl-- Never entertained the thought life might have other plans. But I think of the places that we've been-- When we drove to New York on a whim, Or that week we spent in beautiful Vancouver. We painted that town so damn red, Looked like Soviets invaded. Felt like we sleepwalked all the way back home, singin': Show me what I want to see. Take me where I want to be. Relive all those memories, 'Cause back then we were free. You were there with me on that night By the fire when I broke down and cried For the death of the girl that I thought I loved. I was there with you on that day-- Still remember the look on your face-- When your love of three years went and married a stranger. We've been together through thick and through thin; Through the mountains and valleys we've been. Always thought--always knew--that we'd come out on top. And at times we had to grow up fast, Didn't get to enjoy all the places we passed. Still, I wouldn't trade it, nor regret it for a moment. And in time, who knows where we'll be? But you were always a brother to me.
9.
Bonfire 05:48
I never knew I was lonely 'til you Came in my life and walked right out the door. You came and you left, and you left me half wrecked, But I get the feeling you've seen this before-- Yeah, I think you've done this before. End of the summer, the leaves start to turn. They turn, and they fall, and we fall, and we learn. But don't they smell nice when they're piled and burned? Yeah, they're pretty and bright when they burn. My friend called me up, said, "Have you got plans? I'm having a bonfire with a handful of friends. You're welcome to come if you get the chance, You're welcome to come warm your hands." Well, that was the night that I saw you-- The firelight danced 'cross your face, With your pretty black hair. I caught myself staring. I thought, "what a wonderful place." I never knew I was lonely 'til you Came in my life and walked right out the door. You came and you left, and you left me half wrecked, But I get the feeling you've seen this before-- Yeah, I think you've done this before. Now, let me clear up just a couple of things: You know, I know firsthand how love bites and it stings, And I've seen the sadness and misery it brings-- Well, I got no use for such things. So back to that night, when I walked up to you. Well, I knew what I wanted; I know you did too. And so, the next morning, I thought we were through-- Shows you how little I knew. 'Cause that was the morning I saw you, With that pretty black hair in your face And your scent in the air--and I caught you staring. Hey yeah, what a wonderful place! I never knew I was lonely 'til you Came in my life and walked right out the door. You came and you left, and you left me half wrecked, But I get the feeling you've seen this before-- Yeah, I think you've done this before. Well, you stayed all day, and we just stayed in bed. You stroked my neck; I kissed you on the head. "This feels kinda right," I remember you said, And I let myself look ahead. For most the next week, you stayed right by my side. We drank, and we smoked, and we laughed, and we cried. You were leaving for work, and you kissed me goodbye, Saying, "Baby, I'll see you tonight." But that was the last time I saw you; You vanished with nary a trace. And, though I'd never dare, I caught myself caring. And oh, what a cold, empty place. I never knew I was lonely 'til you Came in my life and walked right out the door. You came and you left, and you left me half wrecked, But I get the feeling you've seen this before-- Yeah, I think you've done this before. The leaves are all gone now; the snow's on its way. I miss you a little less every day. But if the cold wind should blow you back my way, You know there's a place you can stay.
10.
Raindrops 03:54
Long days Do you ever wonder where you're going? Always Seems like someone's left you far behind. Late nights Can't sleep, so you keep the whiskey flowing. It's alright It's just another way to clear your mind. But now and then, you feel there's something missing-- You oughta have more of something you can't put your finger on. And on the wind, you hear a gentle whispering, And desperately you listen, but it don't matter-- It's already gone. Some days I feel like I don't know where I'm going. They say First you gotta know what you wanna find. Most times Feels like I'm just carried by a river flowing. So tell me why I always seem to be the one floating behind. And late at night, I head out on the highway, A sense of no direction, and a bottle in my hand. And as I lose sight, my head and body reeling, I get the strangest feeling there's no answer-- And I finally understand. And a rainstorm creates a lightshow on my windshield: A thousand tiny rivers reflect the light from moon and star. And the raindrops, they reflect my recollection Of the blissful near perfection of driving 'Til you don't know where you are.
11.
Well, you know it isn't easy When everything's gone from the life that you knew; You feel you're all alone in these strange surroundings. The people around you can't understand what it took from you To reach where you are, and to come from where you've been-- From wishing on stars to a long day's end, You bet on yourself: that one day you'd pull through. Now you're standing on a mountain looking down on the hills In the growing light, the morning chill. You climbed through the night, and now you catch a thrill, And there's hope in your eyes. But you can't stand still-- You gotta keep on moving, 'cause time won't stop And neither can you. Don't be fooled into thinking that you've reached the top-- There's higher mountains to come, And you'll cross some more valleys before your journey's done. And at times you'll have to wonder, Was it worth the price you paid?-- All that mice and men have laid to waste away. And, while fondly you remember Who you were and where you've been, You know the time has come for you to begin again. So with no more hesitation, you forge on ahead While sailors take warning as the sky is red. You plot your course through the midst of the storm, 'Cause you know where few go lies the richest reward. Mind your front, not your back, And keep your wits about you should the sky turn black. Though bruised and battered and bloodied you'll be, Your flag, though tattered, still flies-- And now you're free. So you put the past behind you, Turn the page, and look ahead. The old is dead now, so cut that winding thread. And you'll find your own way onward, Ever higher! Ever more! Carry on and on, whatever lies in store.

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released January 8, 2020

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Sam Little Atlanta, Georgia

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